Beauty and Madness

Is there really such a thing as complete freedom? Why do people ask for it? And why do we give it to them? You see when you wanna be free of something, you need to be a slave of something. How? Hm, lets take a simple example to get this clear. If you want to be free of brushing your teeth, then you have got to be a slave of cavities. If you wanna be free of school then you have got to be a slave of being uneducated, comes worse, unemployment, worst...a bum. Now, if you wanna be free of someone you love, of love, what do you then become a slave of? Loneliness? Heartaches? Obligations? I dont know, a lot of other things I guess. Why do we ask for it? Why do we ask to be free from the one we love? They said its because he/she has become too much. They said they wanted to see if they're really the one. They said they want to try other people. They said a whole lot of other crap, that to the other person might not make any sense. Then why did you say you love them? I thought love is ...

Sometimes you look around and find that there are lots of people that surrounds you. But then sometimes no matter how many people stand next to you, you still feel so alone. You seem to get that feeling that whenever you speak, they hear, but not listen. Sometimes they ask you if you're okei, obviously you'll say "Im fine" but if they really cared, they'd know that you're not. Sometimes it hurts knowing the people you care for most, the people you love the most cant be the people who can be there for you in time of your needs. Then sometimes you end up not knowing what to do but to fake what you're really feeling inside. Smile, laugh and "go with the flow" thinking that that would help you rather than locking yourself in your room crying cause no one will care anyway. You look for ways for people to notice that you're not okei. You isolate yoursef. You make your smile so fake that its obvious. You joke about how you feel .."Im so depress...

Time and time again Ive managed to put together a bunch of words to express thoughts and feelings that I can't express orally. Sometimes these words make me feel better, sometimes it makes me feel worse, but most of the time it helps me and it becomes my remedy. Now I'm here thinking of another bunch of words to put together to express what I'm feeling now, for you. im not sure if there are words to do this with, but then I'll try my best. You see, every morning when I wake up, the first thing that comes to mind, is not you. Its a prayer that says "Thank you Lord for this new day". Which could also mean, "Thank you Lord for giving me another opportunity to show him i care..." And then my day goes on, having you at the back of my head. Unconsciously thinking of what it would be if only I could have you forever, so then I smile. And then the moment I hear your voice, everything becomes brighter and my day is finally complete- no matter how early or lat...