Beauty and Madness

I've complained time and time again of the dramas that occur in my life. But who else is there to blame but me. Can I blame them? Can I say that they're making it hard for me? But then again I tolerate it. "One moment you'll be happy, one moment you'll be blue." effects of ecstasy, marijuana? or just the cliche of life. Circumstances like this never cease to surprise me, I know I should be on guard knowing that we live an imperfect life here on Earth, but who am I? What can I do to stop it? I dont know really. Whats making me type this blog is the fact that at this very moment, no one...NO ONE in this life I live is able to listen to me or understand my situation. And the only people I can turn to that I know can help me are busy about their own lives. Or arent willing to listen to me right now for a reason they cant explain. I dont know what else to do or how to get rid of the feelings Ive got inside. These feelings that makes it hard for me to breathe, to th...

I wanna get over you even before all this is through I want this now to end Even if it hasnt even started I wanna run away now before its too late Coz I dont wanna hurt anymore Like what happened before I wanna head for the door and I, wanna stop myself now I'm falling for you somehow O wanna go, wont let you know.. but too late I wanna run away Dont want my heart to stay I wanna hide dont wanna be by your side I wanna leave now, even before its too late Now you know the way I feel But unsure if this is real Dont wanna go on, dont wanna fall deeper in love

"A friend loves at all times" At all times, that is what the Bible says. What does "love at all times" mean? Does it mean that a friend sticks with you in good times and bad? Does it mean they will try to fix conflicts no matter how complicated it get beacuse "A friend that loves at all times" wont let a friendship be torn apart by the obstacles life has brought upon them. Does it mean you should be open and accept each other's flaws? Or have I got this totally wrong? I will ask, what does friendship mean? What is a true friend? The world wide web have come up with hundreds of quotations and defenitions about friendship. But you will never know how much or what friendship really means until you have experienced it, encountered it, or....lost it. It has been said that people come and go, but true friends stay forever. But then again, the english language is imperfect and forever is just unreachable and at some point, friendships will end. Based on perso...

Drama. Its like the air we breathe in. It seems to be a daily routine. A spice for life. When can we ever run away from it? But without it, how is life going to be? Well this blog post is not about me telling you what drama is, what it does, where its comes from..or whatever. But My own drama. I mean...who can stop me. This is my blog. So here we go.. Where should I start? I actually dont have a problem right now. But I'm beginning to think I do. In other words ...its that "falling" stage that most teenaged girls do. But with the experiences, with the lessons, with the heartbreaks, I am supposed to be ready for this and know how to take care of it maturely. So how exactly? Take it slow, take time, think? What about, dont tell everyone. But then again, one finds out then the rest of the world knows. I'm not even sure yet and they're already jumping to conclusions. Cant I decide for myself now a days? Okei. Exaggeration. This is like a crazy maniac talking to hersel...

A repeat in history? Dejavu? Coinsidence? Fate? or Life? I mean, there you are living your "normal" life. Perfectly imperfect. You just got through one of the most supposed-to-be complicated part of your teenage life. You have friends, you have your family, you have everything else you need. You have just established a strong faith in God and knew that you can count on him in every circumstance. Then in a blink of an eye, your whole world turns upside down. Your friends turn their back on you, your family gets more complicated than how they used to be and more trials come your way every single day. It piles up on you like the Payatas dump site. One moment you will think that it will be okei, then suddenly give up and break down, knowing that it will be, but its not. You dont know which mortal being you can turn to. Not that you trust no one, but you're afraid to get them caught in your drama, make things worse for you and for them. You find one, you laugh, you let a deep...

Only when you let go of that word... I dont know what I'll do...

How can I define him as a realistic person, when in reality he still seems unreal. If he was to walk past you, he will appear to be a normal person, living a normal life. His round, innocent eyes says more than any words could ever do. His soft, black hair gently falls down on his forehead. His ears, his nose, his lips fits perfectly on his face. You could sya he is chubby which makes him more adorable. The build of hi body seems flawless- a perfect sanctuary. The blisters on his fingertips tells me he has been playing with his guitar. These simple traits, these normal characteristics, makes him seem unreal. He speaks to me and I begin to wonder what he is really made out of. At times, he lisps as his eyes blink synchronized with his words. The seriousness in his face becomes a mystery as the words coming out of his mouth are hilarious. When his words and expressions start to speak the same thing, you will realise that there is more to this person. Every opinion he has about every aspe...

He's standing there, alone, not minding everybody else around him. As I got closer, I begin to enter his own world and everything else vanishes into thin air. As he turns to meet my gaze, I fall into his dark brown eyes. Everything turns into slow motion like those romantic-soap-opera-moments. He sends me a smile that brightens up the afternoon more than how it already is. His hair falls down his face, as the wind gently brushes through it. It's cold, but somehow as I walk past him, there's a warmth that wraps around my being. We exchange glances, hellos and then goodbyes. A second after I walk past.."Gosh I miss him already.." I close my eyes and the image if him is still in my mind..I whisper to myself.."What more could I ask for?" My everyday magic, my only miracle, my angel from above..has become what I call... My Friend..

Tell me. What should I do if I hear people saying things about me that are untrue. Partly true but the thing is, they haven't really heard my side of story yet. Tell me how would I react or how would I treat people who jump into conclusions, telling other people lies without even consulting me to find out if what goes on in their narrow brains are actually true. Okei. Fine. People make mistakes, but people continually making mistakes? That doesn't seem reasonable. Romans 1:32 "who the righteous judgment of God having known -- that those practising such things are worthy of death -- not only do them, but also have delight with those practising them. " I mean, they judge from what they see. Which everyone will see as prejudice. [prejudice occurs without a person knowing or examining the facts] PROVERBS 11:12 A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. It's okei for me if they say things about me..IF....and ONLY IF...th...

Sometimes, out of the blue I find myslef in this situation where I know nothing that goes on in my brain and my feelings that it is possible. I am one hundred percent concious that it is inappropriate, juvenile and just certainly impossible. Every detail about it seems to lack evidence that it can be real or even possible to exist. But sometimes I find myself looking at you and just wonder what goes on in your mind. I think to myself. "Is there anyone else in this world that's like him.." I love you. That's true, but not in the way a girl would love a boy cause I know I am not capable of giving you the love you need and you giving that back to me. I dont see myself being with you, but you seem to be a guy that a girl like me would love to love..But I'm happy to have you with me as who you are to me right now. I thank God for you, for you are one of the blessings he has provided me in my life here on earth. But there are these moments I think to myself.. :if only I...

Im only doing this cause you ASKED me to.. even if it's against my will... Its to show you that I love you... but you can never force me to stop feeling the way I do... I'm missing you so much.

Here I stand and my pride is washed away by the rain I cry for you to stay Heaven roars it mimicks my heart's throbs then it floods the storm has filled my world listen to me my love Ch. The rain falls the wind blows it hides all my tears the thunder the lightning they are nothing from what I fear the storm has come over me its not about to go away I stand in this rain until I can make you stay Now the gray has swallowed up the sku it is dark the heavens begin to cry..

And when I was at the edge of making one of these wishes come true..I blew it-I would've jumped of a cliff if I could just to dodge the situation. I could've had that look... maybe that nod... hopefully that smile... but I lost it. DAMN.

I dont know why... but I still find myself missing you. My eyes still search for a glimpse of you. My ear still waits to hear your sweet voice I dont know why... But even though I was never with you I still long for your presence. I still wonder what you're doing. I dont know why... But even if I have completely lost you and I'm more that out of place... I still find myself falling deeper in love with you.

It's not like I've been with you that I'm feeling like this but there's something about you that I really miss could it be your voice, your stories, jokes or sighs could it be the long conversations that last throughout the night could it be your eyes, your smile or your hair, it must be your laugh that I find so rare it could be the listening ear I found in you whenever I needed a friend or simply the feeling that I'm secured everytime I'm afraid Im sure I miss the thought that you'd always be here and the thought that to lose you was nothing I'm supposed to fear I miss all the dreams we hoped would come true but what I miss the most is everything that's YOU... I miss you.

I love you more than you'll ever know....

Sometimes Jokes are half meant. Sometimes jokes are used to deliver truth. to hide the truth. Sometimes jokes are just jokes. sometimes jokes hurt. sometimes jokes are funny. sometimes jokes are dry. Sometimes jokes are used to say things you cant say. Sometimes jokes makes you think..makes you wonder. Sometimes jokes doesnt even make any sense. I love you. Jokes. So which one is it?

Girl1: *draws a butterfly* "Do you like my butterfly?" Girl2: "No! Butterflies might seem beautiful outside..but more than meets the eye.." Girl1: "My butterfly doesnt even look beautiful outside but you gotta take the time to let it sit with you and let you figure out what it's really made of.." Girl2: "I haven't but you have and the way you act tells me that this butterfly aint worth keeping..action speaks louder than words eh!" Girl1: "But dont you see the way he makes me feel still makes me think and know that whatever he does wrong and whatever they say, he's still worth it..Its my fault much, its just who he is.." Girl2: "No!! People choose to do what they do! I choose to be friends with you and say nice things sometimes! I choose to like who I like! I choose to be interested in music! He chooses to treat you this way!! and You choose to let him! Its your choice and it is HIS fault..I can kill someone and say ...

First week of my term 3 holidays. It was welcomed by the most tiring and fun experience of CYN- so far; our concert. The morning and afternoon service last Sunday caused me more fun and exhaustion. And then there's the sleep ins; 11:00 pm breakfasts and dawn bedtimes. And then there are the holiday "plans". Party, bowling, shopping, movies, sleepovers, jammings. It has only been 5 days since the last day of school, but somehow I still seem to find a boring moment in my so called hectic-ang-schedule-ko life. I wonder why? Is it because I have no credit? Is it because this busy life has become normal to me now? Is it because...he's gone? Random. That's the one. Everytime I seem to talk about something completely different, something that is not related to him, I end up including him in it anyway. Yea okei. We talk, but not like he wants to. It bugs me. It ruins my day. It bores my holiday. It makes me so down. To think that I'm having the time of my life is grea...

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. "

Here we stand at the edge of the world as strangers not minding whats out there, and its unknown dangers We jump off a cliff, in your hands were mine We're falling so fast but it all seems to be fine It feels like forever, this falling of ours.. It couldve been 'fiftyleven days and umpteen hours' But as I fell further, you seem to float away You let go of me, when you promised you'd stay. We have sang our verse and our chorus but now we cant go on we had so much time and so much to say but we can never finish our song So here I am falling further alone looking up, watching you as you've flown I could stop myself, if I wanted to.. did you know? but gravity pulls harder, I fall faster as I go. But there's no where to go now, yet I have every reason to fear.. Cause I'll be stopping from falling, meaning it all ends here. haha wala nanaman akong sense oh!

The clouds are gray and the rain pours down my face. I see you from a distance and my heart begins to race. The blood rush through my ears as I get closer to you. I imagine the skies clearing and turning into blue. I snap back to reality and the rain still falls Can you hear my heart whispering, its the silent love that calls I look straight ahead with the words on my lips, "I love you" were the words, in a second, it slipped. You grabbed my hand and sait it, those words I longed to hear. I was in a daze, you said it now; you said it here. My tears flowed gently as we stood side by side They were tears not even the rain could hide. Was it of joy or of sadness? I wish its how it seemed, but guess what this is...wake up, its just a dream...

Just the thought that they are there makes everything okei. It doesnt really matter what the day brings. To see their smiles and know what it hides let me know that they are real people. It lets me know that I dont have to stand alone. We laugh everytime we meet, although deep inside our beings, we hide our worries and fears- but are still shown in our eyes. As time went by, tears have shown. But somehow it feels like it has been done in secret. The trials we've been through went past, left scars but not one held a grudge. The bond, the talents, the jokes; the lives that we share is something so wonderful that it can be called a miracle. To be with these people, to be part of them..*sigh* You gotta believe in magic.

I dont know where to place myself. Do I stay calm, be cool, pretend its okei, just as how I've always done? Or do I break down and go psycho, look like a fool, cause I really dont have the reason? It has been going great, and I have been okei. And its true. I swore not to make this harder for myself, but this time, its out of my hands. Andito ako, pinag pipilitan ang sarili ko sa puso mo, kahit na alam kong matagal mo na akong pinagsaraduhan. Andito ako nag hihintay sa dilim, ni hindi umimik na nasasaktan dahil alam kong ako'y mapapahiya lang. Andito ako umaasa sa pag ibig na kahit kelan eh hindi magkakaron ng pagaasa. Andit ako patuloy na nagdadasal, na kahit pagkakaibigan man lang..maramdaman ko mula sayo...Andito lang naman ako eh... But maybe we were really never meant to be...not even as friends. I dont want to say its not you its me..because its no just me...its you too. I know its my fault for feeling the way I do, but why do you have to make it so hard for me? Eh d she...

One has said to me that to love is a chance, not a choice. In one way it's true, you do not choose who you love- and you can't choose who loves you. So if to love and be loved becomes a chance, what happens when you love and not get loved in return? Does it then become a choice? Or a second chance? In life we dont often fall in love, but we fall in infatuation. You find true love only once in your life....right? So when you get that feeling and you know that you love that person...you find a chance. Until a point comes where you see no chance at all. But somehow, in the extreme strangeness of the human brain-together with the heart, you find hope. You look for hope. You stay with hope that one day things will change. You just simply wait in vain. Sometimes we feel its wrong, holding on to a future that holds no future. Often we feel its right, because your heart told you so. There's a dilemma now you see. And you once again drown yourself with the "what-ifs" You t...

translation... "'I love you' is not enough.." I dont know. Thats what she said. It was her first love, and he lied. He went through everything- including getting in to jail, just to get her attention. And he ruins it all with a single lie he thought he was going to get away with. I dont get it you see. How can you say you love someone when you lie to them. Maybe she's right. I love you isn't enough. What's three words when there's that three letters that can ruin one's life? - lie. The first time you hear those words from that "someone", you seem to get that feeling that your stomach goes upside down. Your blood rushes all the way to your ears and makes you smile. Yeah, it feels great. But what happens when the words "I love you" becomes a cliche. Something that is said only because you got used to it. A routine. Three words that used to brighten your day suddenly becomes so empty. Dont ever say it unless you mean it. It doesn...

The night was cold and harsh Our words were straight and hard But we knew whats in our hearts That we cant keep apart Its both are fault we know We grow stronger as we go Every word my heart beats faster Afraid if itll make it better Chorus You see promises are made to be broken But we made one to me and you and to heaven It'll be hard but it wont be harder Because it didn't say that we cant try to keep this vow we made tonight. Now we live brand new Its up to me and you Let this chapter of us Be something that cant fall apart I wanna be lost in you I beieve that this is true and if it isnt I'd still be here I promise so dont you fear

I'm not supposed to feel this way I'm not supposed to hurt Supposed to say that its okei When you're gone so far away I'm not supposed to care at all who ever's by your side But something's taking over me taking over my pride And now my heart takes over, taking control Secrets are now in the open, its conquering all Im feeling the pain I hid from Please take me away

Winter has come. The leaves had fallen and the grass has froze. I am left alone in the house. With nothing to do and deafend in silence, I am forced with thoughts I never had time to think about. I imagined myself in the worst scenario I could put myself in to; leaving the people I have learned to live with. The thought of goodbyes and not being able to see them for a long time caused me to shiver and not want to think about it more. And then I thought about you... I analysed what has been happening between us and realised what you are doing. You are silently, pushing me away. And I dont seem to respond to it well enough for you. So now I force myself...to let you push me. I'll just sit here and let you leave... And then let my heart feel what it does...wether it fights or surrenders. I'll let this all go with the flow... I'll watch all of this leave me... -I'd fight for you..I really would. But how can I? When everytime I look in your eyes, I see that she's already...

We came from one land. We might've walked past each other. We might have met before. But here, in the land of the long white cloud we were brought together. As strangers we grew into a bond that no one could possibly break. We saw each other in their best and their worst. We have been through circumstances that almost broke us down, but stood strong with our faith in Jesus Christ. We spent 40 days learning our 5 purposes in life and now we have our whole lifetime to live it. We have laughed into tears and cried into laughter. We have developed our skills and talents to bring praise and worship to God. We are slowly growing more maturely and having a deeper relationship with the Lord. We tackle through life problems together. From school life, social life, spiritual life to love life. We learned to live with each other and accept each other as an unperfect person, created by our perfect God. We learned to see each other's flaws and helped each other to change them. We are now li...

Now I standinfront of you I've left my heart open and set out the truth the words slipped out out of my mouth now you know what I feel inside I have to pretendand live a lie Now I have to saythat its okei that you love her my sacrifice is to look in your eyes when I know I know that you love her So here we are facing the truth there wont be us just me and you but I want you to know that I will be waiting till the sun lose its shine and the world stops turning Youre in my eyes Shes in your eyes I feel for you you feel for her but that's okein o its not okei but it will be I promise it will be.. .*o dba? inspired. bwahahaha..2 days. nax..*

I can still remember the day you came into my life. You were just a name in my mind..in everybody's mind. Everyone knew you yet no one knows you. I didn't mind, I didn't care until the night I got to talk to you. I found it easy to tell you things about myself, and slowly we became close. You were there for me whenever I'm down, you never gave up on me. You gave me answers to every question I asked You helped me with every problem I faced You made me laugh with your own... You talk to me till dawn, although we both know we're tired You listen to me yet I know you're not even interested with what I'm saying.. You were patient with me when I get all dramatic... You became a part of my life and a wonderful one. and now there's just something about you I'd never want to lose.. but that something about you is something I might never have.. but time does go on.. people come people go feelings come feelings go there are questions asked there are answers kno...

Dejavus, coinsidence, accidents; they do not exist. People have told me that things happen for a reason. People also told me that I drive my own life. I decide for myself. I control my feelings and I'm responsible for my actions. But then what do I do when the time comes that I can't control myself because my heart has taken over and decided to say whatever it wants to say? What am I supposed to do when I become so fragile, that no one, nothing could stop me. Words flow out so easily and its just too impossible to swallow the words again or pretend that nothing was said. Warnings have been thrown in my face,tattooed in my head and carved in my palms. But I'm just too stubborn to see it and take notice of it. It's like having a pedestrian crossing and a traffic light but ignoring it. I crossed when I felt like it and eventually gets hit by the worse thing that could ever hit you. A truck? A bus? A train? A guy... Sixteen years of existing in this world. Sixteen years of ...

There were moments, I just sat there. I see you, you see me, you smiled, I smiled. And never did I make a big deal out of it. There were moments when it seemed like there was just you and me in this world, like we shared this connection...but I just ignored it. You know why? I asked myself "why?" And now I'm asnwering the question I asked myself. "because it's wrong" At sixteen, I may not be matured as how I should be, or I might not have experienced much to know how things work..BUT I know what is wrong from right. And I do have common sense. But what I don't undersatnd is even I know this is wrong, why can't I stop myself from having that feeling. Is it beyond my control? We're here, so close, yet so far away. Out of reach, that's you. But still my heart stubbornly continues to ignore the obvious and pretends its okei. Sometimes I find it funny, stupid. But to think about it, its not funny at all. I am causing myself my own pain, my own gr...

Eto ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Since birth..haha este June 24 2006 these people came into my life. Sa saya, at lungkot, kalokohan at seryosohan, gutuman at lamunan kasama ko sila. Meron mang conflict sa tabi tabi..we never let it break our strong bond. We have helped each other grow closer to Christ and develop our spiritual relationship with God. We have learned the five purpose of our lives together and we are living it today. Kaaway ng isa, kaaway ng lahat. Ate, Kuya, Bunso, Ampon..lahat mahal ko. ;) Parang family ko na sila. OKei fine family ko nadin sila. My week, or even my day wont be complete if I dont get to see these guys. They've picked me up when I was down. As in down. I know that they'll always be here for me and I know that they know that I will always be here for them. I thank God for them. They are the circumstances God gave me to learn and to become more like Jesus. I love them all! they are my... Gala buddies Kantahan buddies Sayawan buddies Walking buddies ...

Imagine standing in an empty room. An empty space. Your breath echoes. Your heartbeat becomes a faint bass rythmn. The doors are shut and no one can hear your screams. You're left in isolation. You look around, knowing that this empty space was once filled...with things. People maybe? furniture? The four walls that surrounds you seem to grow much closer. Its suffocating. You tried to tear the walls apart and find a way to get out. You broke this space. Now close your eyes... This empty space was not filled with people once. with furniture? no. It was filled with memories and love. I locked you in there, never wanting to set you free. I gave you everything you ever needed. That whole space was yours and no one could share it with you. But I guess too much space was too much for you. It suffocated you. So you broke it. You left it. And now, it truly is empty. You were the only one who filled the empty space in my heart, but now you're gone. And now... I'm left with an empty s...

You see me standing infront of you, but I'm translucent in your eyes I give you my infinite embrace, though I never get them back You feel me, yes, but your heart is numb; you shield it from within You guard it like a pot of gold; the treasure I want to win The road ahead begins to steep, I'm scared and weak to fall again, My heart and mind had started a battle, there is rage inside my head Slowly i drifted, now watching you from afar Our bodies are close but our hearts are universe apart I see your burden through your eyes, your sorrow through your tears still, I'm invisible to you. Why am I the only one that sees.. My heart is filled with questions that my mind is unable to answer There are chains that pull me back, but my heart is so much stronger I'm catching the wind and I'm chasing shadows if I was to say we'd ever be If only you'd take a moment to see, to listen to me... Now my heart screams all it has to say, "stop." "Please help me!...

The clock ticks life away. Every second, every minute, every hour is the future. Time grabs hold of you. It either drags you behind, stuck in the past or pushes you to worry about what's going to happen in the future. It makes your palm itch as you wait for the it to come. There are times when you want to hold it, to stop it or to slow it down. Time is all around you, it's invisible power working through every single living thing on this universe. It is uncontrolabe. Inevitable. If time would just listen to me, take me back to the days where I need to change things that I have done. If only time could fastforward itself, to heal me from the pain I'm going through. If only time would stop at some certain points of my life, and just stay that way for eternity. Why can't time feel pity on me? Why can't time heal me? Why can't time make me forget? Why can't time slow down for me? Why can't time go back for me? Why can't time stop for me? You know what......

I sit here, trapped inside the four walls of my bedroom. Having nothing to do but write on my blog about the painful feeling that crawls through my veins. It makes my heart go heavy and my sight go blurry. It makes my tear ducts produce so much tears that it can flood a country. I stop and feel so stupid for I have no reason why I feel this way. So, unconsciously, I cry more. I turn left, I trun right, if I could I would trun upside down just to feel better. There was no way of me finding some sort of pain reliever or something that can make me say to myself that I'm okei. I pray to God for help, and still I am waiting, for I know that he has a plan for me. But still I sit here, going over and over again, about why this is happening. Reminiscing, crying, planning, trying... Look at me, I am like a vampire, up at night sleeps at day. I have a hoarse voice and is simply over fatigued. I cry over nothing. You know what... I guess it's just me... looking for love..

In complete wierdness and randomness, I found my self comparing a broken heart to a papercut.A simple paper. thin. weightless. harmless. But in a second, you don't know when, you don't know why, you don't know how... it cuts you. It doesn't mean to, but it does. You do not see a single drop of blood coming out of your flesh but you feel it. It seems so little but it hurts like hell. You don't want to complain about it for it is so little people will think you're nuts. You do not cry for long because you know sooner or later it will go away. But then it stays there for quite a while. It hurts more when you think that it's there, then it goes away slowly whithout you even realising it. *going through a comparison...* searching... searching... searching... A simple lover. sweet. caring. kind. innocent. But in time, you dont know when, you dont know why...he leaves you. He hurts you. It breaks you. There are times he doesn't mean to, but mostly he does. You ...

The taste of tears is salty The cause of it is bitter The root of it was sweet When these salty tears come to fill my eyes there is only one bitter reason why, and that is the sweet memorie of us.The song we sang played and we lived with it. It sang our life and our feelings synchronized with reality. But our song didn't end with the word forever nor did it end with us, it ended with the word I didn't realise was possible, it all ended with the word you. Not us, not me but you. We promised to understand each other and never cause one pain, but in reality, it was simply inevitable. Before, one smile was all it took and my heart leaped with joy. But one day not a word was spoken but a heart weeping filled the room.Together we used to dream about sunsets and gazing at the stars. Then one day we slept and woke up not having a chance to dream as one again. I dont know why these sweet memories still have to linger in my mind, it's gotta be forgotten.It caused bitter feeling insid...

You said to me once that maybe you have lost your gift. You felt like the talents and abilities you have just vanished. I thought about what you said and realise that you can't just suddenly lose these things. With trauma? Okei...maybe, but waking up and not knowing how to sing or draw is not. Some of these you learn through your life, some you were just born with and Sometime its your passion that makes you good at it. You didn't lose it, maybe it just wasn't your day, or it wasn't the time for you to find this gift. But you know, I should say something very similar to what you have said. I did not lose my gift, but I lost a gift. It was a gift I have prayed for every night. A gift God gave to me, and I was very thankful for it. A gift that made me so happy I couldn't ask for more. But I guess this gift wasn't meant for me, it was just there for me to try. I had it for a while, learned how it felt like to have it and how to let go of it. It was the gift of you ...